


until now.

by claudeandclair



Category: Twosetviolin
Genre: Angst and Feels, Angst with a Happy Ending, Friends to Lovers, M/M, Soloist!Brett, doctor!eddy, i don’t know how to tag pls help me, pls just read the summary
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2020-11-22
Updated: 2020-11-22
Packaged: 2021-03-10 04:55:13
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 3
Words: 3,007
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/27667805
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/claudeandclair/pseuds/claudeandclair
Summary: Eddy leaves Brett, (to become a doctor, like his parents wished.) leaving him alone to pursue his, no,theirdream to be a musician. But from that day he left Brett until now, as much as they tried to move on, nothing much has really changed, has it?
Relationships: Eddy Chen & Brett Yang, Eddy Chen/Brett Yang
Comments: 4
Kudos: 21





	1. i’m sorry.

**Author's Note:**

> cross-posted from wattpad. (i tweaked it a bit, though.) this is mostly focused on eddy’s thoughts but it’s also in a third person view? i’m so sorry if the flow is so unnatural/confusing? ahhh idk anymore:( i really hope you enjoy! (or cry? idk i hope i make you feel at least _something_ ) share your thoughts in the comments if you wanna :3

"I'll see you around uni, Eddy.”

"Yeah, see you."  _ Maybe not. _

"Next week, okay? You know my room number, right?"

"Yeah, yeah. Room 40, I know."  _ Not that I need to. _

"Alright! Good luck in college, mate. You're finally where you've been dreaming to be."  _ Although this isn't what I'd dreamt of, Brett. _

"Thanks, Brett. I'll be off, now."

"Bye!"

“Bye, Brett. Bro hug?" 

"You've never asked for one before, so no. It's weird."

"Come on, dude!"  _ Let me have this, it’s all I’m asking for. _

"Alright, alright." They wrap each other in their arms, Eddy holding tightly.

"Bye, Brett." Eddy whispers as he lets go. He waves as he goes out the door. He stares at the man waving back one last time, tears threatening to fall. He looks back quickly, biting his lip in an attempt to stop crying.

_ I'm sorry, Brett. I'm sorry that I'm just leaving you like this. I'm sorry that I don't have an explanation. I do, and as much as I want to give it to you, I can't. _

_ My parents, of course, aren't supportive of my dreams. I fought for it, Brett, I really did. I'm sorry, Brett. They really want me to go to med school. Crazy, right?  _ Eddy's eyes start to water, his steps wavering as he walks home, or rather, away from his true home.

_ I told them I wanted to do music, Brett. They just underestimated it. They underestimated the career, Brett. I hope you can prove them wrong. Do it for me, yeah? Show them what music really is. I look forward to watching you perform.  _ Tears fall on the pavement, and his footsteps come to a halt.

_ I want to tell you, Brett. I really, really, really,  _ **_really_ ** _ do. But I'm too weak when it comes to you. I always give in when it's you. I'll fight for it if you tell me to, and I really will. I'm too much of a coward for that, though. I'm sorry I'm just leaving you like this, just leaving us like this. It's selfish, I know. So, forget me, will you? I'm too selfish to belong in your memories, Brett. Don't let me hold you back. Goodbye. _ Eddy starts walking again, his tears already starting to run out. (For that day, at least.) He looks back, seeing a faint silhouette of Brett practicing. His stare lingers a moment too long, but it wasn't enough. Despite this, he had to look forward. He should never look back ever again. He parts gazes, and parts ways.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> move on to the next chapter for present time eddy and brett.


	2. i missed you.

"Ugh, it's 3am already, can't I go home?" Eddy talks to his empty office. He had the graveyard shift, but apparently no patients were coming in. His eyes were half-lidded as he sat on his chair, just staring at the desk in front of him. He meditates in that position until his pager gives a small beep.

"Dr. Chen? Proceed to Room 247, unconscious man, seems to have fainted because of overexertion."

"Alright, alright. Will be there." Eddy groans, lazily standing up from his chair. He walks briskly to the room, finding a man on the bed and one beside it.

"Oh, hello, Doctor."

"Hello, how is he?"

"I just saw him lying on our floor, unconscious. I brought him here 'cause I'm getting worried."

"Okay, got it." Eddy looks down on his clipboard, taking notes.

"You seem familiar, doc."

"Hm?"

_ Ugh, I can't keep up with this small talk bullshit. Just say the room is in an awkward silence. I'm too tired for this. I'll just not even engage properly, hopefully they shut up. _

"I feel like I know you from somewhere."

"You might have seen me before. People get sick often nowadays." Eddy says bluntly, not removing his eyes from the clipboard.

"Yeah, I guess. Sorry, can I leave, by the way? I have a concert in a few hours."  _ Concert, huh. Not now, Eddy. Now’s not the time to let your mind fuck with you. _

"Sure, good luck, by the way. We'll just contact you when they can come out of the hospital, alright?"

"Okay. Thanks." Eddy reaches for his pager and contacts the nurse assigned to the patient.

"Hook them up to some IV's, let them sleep too. Tell me when they wake up so I can explain their situation."

"Alright, doc."

Eddy goes back to his office, still sleep-deprived. He goes through the papers of his patients, checking on some, receiving more from time to time. Three hours pass and his shift is almost finished. Just two more hours and he can finally go home and get some sleep. His eyes start closing by themselves when a beep opens them.

"Patient in Room 247 is now conscious and wide awake. Patient information is with me."

"Noted." Eddy puts the pager in his pocket and passes by the front to get the clipboard. He scrolls through the basic information he didn't see earlier and flinches at the name.  _ Brett Yang. _ He's used to having patients named Brett Yang, he's had about four, but it never failed to take a stab his heart every time. He became so distracted that he just neglected the other information and went in the room.

"How are you feeling?"

"I'm good, can I leave now? I have an event I have to go to."

"Sorry, you have to get some rest. You've been overexer-"

"I'm fine. I have to go, really."

_ Damn, is the event really that important? Are you the star of the show or some shit? _

"I'm really sorry, Mr. Yang. You've been sleep-deprived, starved, and dehydrated these past few days. You need this."

"Come on, this event is really important to me." Brett said with assertion. The stubbornness felt so familiar, but maybe Eddy was just hearing things.

"May I ask what this event is? If it’s safe enough for you maybe I can let you go."

"I have a concert in a few hours, like that's gonna change anything. This is what I've been staying up late for, now will you do anything about it?"

"Apologies, concerts are too exhausting and stressful, so I can't do anything about it. You need this rest. Just comply to this, I'm really sorry you have to miss it."  _ What do you even know, Eddy? You're not the music major here. _

" **Fuck!** I've worked so hard for this, and I just miss it?" Brett's tears start falling, rage evident in his face.

"Oh, God. I'm sorry for breaking down in front of a stranger."

"No worries, it's alright. You have to let this out. Hopefully your stress reduces if you let this out."

"Thank you, it just really sucks. Countless hours of practice, I feel so isolated from the world and the only chance that I can show myself it just disappears. My whole world revolves around this moment then it stops and falls apart."

"I'm sorry to hear that. I believe that you still have a lot of time as you're, uh," Eddy check his age, gulping at the similarity with his past friend.

"25. You still have chances ahead of you. I see your dedication, your love for this, and it will bring you places."  _ Don't let go of it like I did. _

"Thank you. Um," Brett realizes he doesn't know the name of his doctor. He looks for the tag, but it seems as if the doctor had forgotten to put it on.

"Sorry. Uh, you can call me Eddy, then." Brett visibly gets disturbed by the name.

"E-Eddy?" Brett stammers.

"Sorry, is it too casual for you? You can still call me Dr. Chen."

"Sorry, what?"

"I said you can still call me Dr. Chen. Whatever you prefer."

"Eddy?"

"Yes?"

" _ Eddy? _ "

" **_Yes?_ ** " Eddy said with more pressure, curious as to why his patient keeps repeating his name. He looks at his patient with an expectant stare. Brett looks back as if, he's observing Eddy?

"Why did you leave me?" His patient asks, tone completely different, new tears streaming down his cheeks.

"What?"  _ Did I hear that correctly? _

"What, so you've forgotten already? Was it that easy to forget? Was I that easy to forget?"  _ So it really is. It's the Brett I left, the one I never wanted to see ever again but the one I’ve always longed for. _

"I'm sorry."

"What? Is sorry all you can say? Do you think that fixes everything? Just leaving me there hanging, no explanation whatsoever? Not even a proper goodbye?"

"This is stressing you out, I'll ask for a different doctor to check up on you. Get some rest." Eddy stands up, leaving the room.

"So you're walking away just like all those years ago? Talk to me about this, Eddy. Please, explain everything. Just this once."

"Next time, Brett. This'll only worsen your condition."

"Well you already made it the worst, Eddy! Just fucking sit down and talk to me!" There was anger, rage, and sorrow in his tone. All of the years of attempting to move on, all the endless hours of crying, it had not been enough to make Brett run out of tears. Eddy knows he fucked up badly, and he hated himself for it. He wanted to forget everything, but it doesn't work that way.

"Fine, Brett! You want to know why? 'Cause I was a fucking coward! I couldn't fight for what I loved, Brett! I was too much of a coward to tell you, too much of a coward to fight, and I regret every single bit of it! Don't forgive me, I know you haven't and you shouldn't. Not that you would've. Just forget me, Brett."

"Is that it?! I know for a  _ fact _ that you’re a coward, but why the fuck did you just leave me?! Don't you think I deserve an explanation?!"

"I'm sorry, okay?! It's just-" Eddy sighs, not realizing his tear-stained cheeks.

" _ You _ , you'd make me stay. I was too scared for that. I was scared to fight for what I wanted and if I told you, I knew you'd make me. I'm really sorry, Brett. Up to this day, I still love music. Up to this day, I'm still scared to fight, I'm still a coward. I still regret everything. I was selfish, and I still am."

"You, you,  _ you jerk! _ " Brett grabs Eddy's coat and balls it up in his fist. He cries, he hits Eddy, all the frustration from years back until that very second coming back.

"You should've forgotten about me, Brett. I only held you back, and I'm sorry for that. I'm really, really,  _ really _ sorry.  _ Please,  _ just forget about me, move on without me. That's what you've been doing, right?"

His coat gets more crumpled as Brett continues to cry, as he continues to release all his anger. He grabs the older's fists, squatting so their eyes are at the same level. He opens the fists and holds his hands, pushing it back at him, pushing him away.

"Go on without me, Brett. Forget me, please." He lets go of his hands and stands up, walking around the bed and to the door. Brett grabs his arm and pulls him with all his strength, making Eddy stumble to his bed. Brett hugs him in the tightest embrace he's ever given, not wanting to let go, not wanting to lose him again. All of the years without each other, all of the longing, every single feeling was poured into the embrace. They cry in each other's arms, not letting go.

"Don't leave me again, please. Not now that you're here."

"I don't deserve to stay, Brett."

"Do I deserve to lose you again?"

"I don't deserve to come back to you."

"I don't deserve to be left again, Eddy. Stay.  _ Please. _ "

"Brett, I'm so sorry. I really am."

"I know. I don’t know if I’ll ever forgive you, but I'll never forget you, Eddy."

"I'm sorry. I'm still a coward."

"You've always been."

"I know."

"But I'm scared too. I'm scared that you might leave me again now that you're right here."

"I won't. Not unless you tell me to."

"Never leave me. Ever again."

"Then I won't."

"I missed you, Eddy."

"I missed you too, Brett.  _ So much. _ "

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> next chapter is a lighter one! (it’s a happy ending, too, no worries.)


	3. i love you.

Eddy watches from the balcony as Brett finishes his concerto, his bow arm lingering mid-air, a small silence followed by waves of applause. He sees the happiness in the soloist's eyes, in his smile, in the way he bowed, everywhere you look, he's happy. It makes Eddy prouder than he already is. He catches Brett glimpse at him momentarily, right before he walks off the stage. He feels a warmth in his chest, wetness on his cheeks, and a grin on his face. His best friend finally achieving his dream, their dream.

He goes outside the hall to meet his best friend, the widest smiles on their faces.

"Congrats, bro. That was breathtaking. You were awesome."

Brett only smiled and spread out his arms suggesting a hug which Eddy complied to. Eddy feels a light squeeze from the embrace as he relaxes into it, not realizing his feelings overflowing.

He felt extremely happy, he felt proud, and he felt, disappointed. As much as he was happy for his best friend, and he really was, he just can't change the fact that he wanted that too. That he could've had that too. That he could've been there if he had fought for it. That as much as he loved it till now, he still left it. Just like how he left Brett. Now he had one of them back, and he was not going to let go ever again.

"Bro, you okay?" Brett said as they parted from the hug, noticing the tears on Eddy's face.

"Yeah, just really proud of you. Look at you, one of the best soloists ever."

"Wouldn't have done it without you." Brett said, force of habit. It used to be Ray whom he met after watching concerts, but he was perfectly fine with Eddy, and maybe he even preferred him to be the one there.

"But you did, though." Eddy said, trying to pass it off as a joke. It stung, though. Brett didn't fail to see this, but it was not the time nor place to talk about it right now.

"So, come to my place? Let's get chinese take-away and bubble tea to celebrate. Sound good?" Brett said, changing the subject.

"After all this time, you still know me well."  _ And I'm glad you still do. _

"How could I ever forget?"

"You should've."  _ But now I'm here, so please don't. _

"I'd never." Brett looks at Eddy, a timid smile dancing on his lips. He motions for them to go to the parking lot, to drive to the restaurants and to Brett's apartment.

* * *

  
  


_ After all these years, I still love the violin. I can't believe there's still this part of me that itches to be on a stage. That music is still what I want. I still regret it, but there's no going back, is there?  _ Eddy still feels the regret, the desire to go back in time, the sadness from the day he left, and he still feels that small tug in his heartstrings.

_ I can't even believe that I still love Brett when I should have forgotten him. What's my problem? Maybe it's the years apart from him, but damn. I've suppressed this since our childhood, yet why does this come back now? I just missed him, right?  _ Eddy thinks as he eats his noodles, not realizing as his stare lands on his, well, who was he to Eddy, really?

"Bro, you good? You haven't seemed like yourself since earlier."

"Yeah, I just, you know, I missed this. Violin, concert halls, hanging out with you, just—"  _ I missed you, Brett. More than you think and more than you'll ever know. _

"I understand. Do you wanna play after we eat?"

"What? I mean, I'd love to, Brett. But that's too much to ask of you."

"Come on, I insist. You missed this, didn't you? I want you to have it again, if not forever, then just a little bit."

"I'm rusty."

"Yet you still shine, don't you?"

"Not so much. Thank you, though. Thank you."

"Anytime, okay?" Brett smiles and Eddy does too, as a comfortable silence lands upon the room.

* * *

  
  


"That was beautiful, Eddy."

"Thank you. I really missed this. A lot."

"You can always come back to it."  _ Can I always come back to you, Brett? _

"Thank you. I will." Eddy says, feeling his eyes tear up once again.

"Leave the past behind, okay? Everything's right here, Eddy. I worry about you, but there's nothing you can do about it, sadly. Try to look forward. I'll be here."

"I can't move on, Brett. Not from music and not from you."

"From me?" Brett got taken aback for a bit, but he composed himself.

_ I'm so sorry I keep ruining this. _

"You don't need to move on, Eddy. But you can forget the past. You can have music back in your life and I'm right here. I am now and I never won't be."

"I know, but it isn't what you think."

"Then what is it, Eddy?"

"I love you. More than someone who left you years ago. More than a simple friend.  _ Fuck,  _ _ I love you. _ " Eddy buries his face into his palms, not wanting to see the outcome of his words.

"I've missed you more." All the tears spilled, all the hours waiting, all the longing,  _ maybe it was all worth it. _

Brett grabs Eddy's face and make their lips crash, tasting the slight saltiness from tears, the subtle sweetness of the bubble tea, and the feeling of bliss. They part, foreheads resting on one another.

"I've loved you since forever, I love you, and I always will."

"More than you know, more than my heart can take, I do too."

Their lips meet again, making up for all the lost years without each other.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> hope you enjoyed! <3


End file.
